the waves

people say you can never fall in love with the same person twice, but i dont think that is true. i think you keep falling, long after the first time has come and gone. and i think that is why people get hurt and i think that is why you can never really fall out of love. it comes in waves. 

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chance

his body breathed a bit and the cold came out of his mouth like smoke.  he sighed and said “i dont know what to do, we shouldnt stop doing this, because its great and everything but maybe we should just take a break for awhile, come back to it after awhile, see if its still there.”

his shoulders hunched around his thin frame like the wiry trappings of a cage. and his face became darker as a cloud passed over the moon. it was cold.  but not cold enough that we needed to go back inside.  and we sat there. in silence. for what felt like years, but was only about five minutes.  and inside of me i felt dread and i could see the distance between us widening, and i could feel the cold seep into my teeth and my mouth stopped working right. the words couldnt find themselves and all that was there was an “ok.”

 

how to be happy

1. take a deep breath and tell yourself how  much you love being in a body and how good it feels to be alive. 

2. look around you and appreciate where you are. really take your surroundings in and tell everything around you that it is good and beautiful. 

3. tell your parents you love them. get to know them. get drunk with them. it will be worth it believe me.

4. be in every moment fully. really let yourself soak these moments up. 

5.  fall in love with yourself. 

6. keep the people you love close to you. lose the ones that make you feel bad about being a good and beautiful human being. 

7. don’t think too far ahead into the future

8.  drink a lot of water

9. eat  more kale

10. learn to love selflessly and without fail be kind to those who love you

body/cage

my body is a cage

ready for you to live in it

my heart is like the breath on your cheek

it beats in time to the songs i sing to you in my sleep

my body is a cage for you 

ready for you to live in it 

i want everybody who is reading this to the following:

put your hand on your heart, breath in, feel the unique beating of your heart.

and shout at the top of your lungs

“I AM ALIVE! I AM MAGNIFICENT! I AM LOVED AND I HAVE LOVED AND I WILL LOVE AGAIN! I AM A WHIRLWIND OF BEAUTY AND HIDEOUS STRENGTH! AND I AM ALIVE!”

and then i want you all to tell somebody that you love them. remind them of their gifts, give them hope for the future, peace for the present, forgiveness for the past.

remember your mama was a teenager once too

people are fucked up sometimes and its part of life. you meet em you greet em and you love em for it because thats how you are taught to behave. 

hate is a word used far too lightly

and far to few words like love and sex and lust are used much to much

dont forget to get angry

once in awhile

dont forget 

to get

 

poem for my fifteen year old self

I am not a bug or an ant

I have lived a longer time then that

Dirt can be found under my nails

I breathe I breath I breathe

I cry I eat I sleep I urinate

On the sidewalks of my hometown

Standing up I know the trick

On the streets of New York

We were together

Crash course learner you were

Shaving your legs with the car door open

Shaving cream can on the hood

Laughing at something I said

Dull razor

 and in September

I am listening to Devo

In the car on the way to your house

Thumb tapping, knee driving

Not the safe way I know

I was sixteen when gum stopped tasting good

When gum lost its flavor

I was seventeen when the windshield broke

And it felt so good to look at the cracks in the glass

To know we had created something so terrible

We were so

Whats the word

Happy?  Maybe that’s it

I was nineteen when I got so drunk I couldn’t move my mouth

To tell you who

Who

I am not a bug or an ant

I have lived a longer time then that

Dirt can be found under my fingernails

I cry I eat I sleep

I eat I cry I sleep

I sleep I cry I eat

I was twenty when the world stopped hanging over me

I was twenty one when I drove your car into the snow bank

Both sets of parents got mad at us

I got mad at us

You were high

When you told me you loved to eat chips

I was too sad to remember why chips were important

When I grow up I want to be a writer

“What does that mean Mom?”

“What does that mean.”

In 8 houses I have slept in 8 different beds.

I really just wanted one.

I really only wanted one.

forgive/remember

find it in your heart to forgive those who have wronged you because forgiveness is the only way to give them back the pieces they once gave to you

and people fall apart without their pieces.